Sleepless slumber

I have had three nights of very interesting sleep.

Night No. 1 - I had just returned home from my Sunday in St. Louis, which involved lots of driving, eating and shopping. I was so exhausted that it was all I could do to crawl up into my bed before I passed out. I was having the world's most restful night of sleep - and then my dream hallucination sensation kicked in. I dreamed that I was sharing my bed with two giant ants and a cat. In my dream I was tossing and turning and trying to get away from them - it's lucky that I didn't roll out of bed and plunge six feet to my death. After having been sufficiently terrorized by these three random bedmates, I woke up, drenched with sweat after this fight to the death. I then burst out laughing about how stupid I was and went back to bed.

Night No. 2 - No wacky dreams, I demanded of myself, going to bed semi-early again (11), since I'm pretty sure I am in a permanent state of mono. I slept really soundly until 6:03 a.m., when I was jarred awake by the sound of my cell phone jumping out of its metal encasement. I groggily grabbed for it and peered at it with one eye open - a text message. Really?! Who hates me this much? It was from my sister's friend, Rumer, who was lauding 'Snow day #3!!!!!!!' I wanted to pummel her. Not only did Missouri NOT have a snow day, but a 14-year-old was rubbing it in my face and waking me up early.

Night No. 3 - I decided that it was time to go to bed, but my uterus had other ideas - like making me wish I were never born. Every time one of my hands would come within an inch or two of my hip bone, I almost swore I was going to throw up. The same with my two socked feet rubbing up against each other - I finally had to take off one sock and then I was okay. I eventually popped three ibuprofen and sank into sleepville. This is why being a girl is sometimes the suckiest thing ever. Good thing we're smarter or I'd really feel like we got screwed over on the sex allotment scale.

I would like to take this opportunity to wish everyone a happy Valentine's day. I know some of my single friends get really depressed every Feb. 14 for not having a boyfriend, but I - for one - believe that holidays are meant to be celebrated. That is why, annually on the feast of St. Valentine, I am thankful for the fact that I don't have some stupid-ass boyfriend.