Professional aspirations

This paper was assigned to me by my Journalism and Democracy professor. He wanted to know who we are and where we plan to go with our careers. This copy has taken quite the beating. It has been edited and toned down quite a bit. I thought maybe it would be inappropriate to introduce myself to the professor as the girl who prayed every night for either a tornado (for the newsroom) or a terminal illness (for myself). I was also forced to delete flippant comments about how I didn't suffer through college just so I could compare the quality of mascara wands (thanks for that, Ryan). I have sent away the final copy to my professor (so if there are any glaring mistakes, I don't want to hear about them), and I now post my 'professional aspirations' here for your reading pleasure and curiosity. Comments are most welcome.

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I always knew I wanted to be a writer.

I learned to read when I was four, and from then on, one would be hard-pressed to find me without my nose in a book. I started writing stories when I was eight, mimicking the style of my favorite author at the time. When I reached high school, I signed up for journalism classes as soon as I was allowed. I was the only senior who had taken the maximum three years of journalism by the time graduation rolled around.

I just figured I would end up in journalism; everyone expected it of me and I did not really question it. I loved expressing myself through writing, but my time on the high school paper showed me that I did not enjoy interviewing or reporting. I thought maybe it was something that maturity could fix since I had always been kind of shy.

I applied to one school – the University of Missouri – and was accepted. I entered the news-editorial sequence in my fourth semester of college and began my obligatory stint as a reporter for the Missourian.

I hated most of my time at the Missourian. My editor scared the life out of me, and I was constantly nerve-wracked. I worried that I wouldn’t complete the requisite number of stories, that I would make a mistake in one of my articles, and that my editor would snap on me. I hated having to bother people because I needed a source for my article. As much as I tried to make the best of the experience, I dreaded waking up every morning because I knew I would eventually find myself back in the newsroom.

I felt like I was going to fail because I knew how badly I wanted to quit and get out. That realization helped me work harder because failure was not an option for me. I came into the newsroom every single weekday, save one, for the entire semester. I ended up with an A-minus in the course; in hindsight, however, the constant stress and anxiety were not worth it to me.

I spent the summer trying to pull myself together. In the fall, I headed to the United Kingdom for the Missouri-London Program. I was to complete a journalism internship and I was terrified my experience would be akin to my time at the Missourian. It wasn’t. I worked as a writer, editor and secretary for a jewelry trade magazine and regained much of the interest in journalism that I thought I had lost. My colleagues and editor were constant confidence-boosters and such positive role models for me. I do not know if I could have forced myself to come back to this school without that experience and their guidance.

I have since returned to Columbia this semester at a crossroads. I have two semesters left and I don’t know what to do with myself after graduation. In my eyes, newspaper reporting is out of the question. I cannot handle the pressure and the constant time restraints because I feel like they undermine the quality of my work. I loved working at a fashion magazine, but I worry that the industry would make me feel like a sell-out. I want – and need – a bigger sense of overall accomplishment than I fear fashion journalism has to offer.

Before staring a career, however, I want to attend graduate school and study international relations. I’m also interested in politics and am considering law school. Afterwards, I would love to return to England to work as an ambassador for the United States, eventually seeking a Cabinet position or other advisory role to the president. To get my writing fix, I figure I can always do freelance or write novels.

Although I came into the School of Journalism with the most sincere intention of becoming a journalist, I suspect I will leave on a different path, with the realization that the traditional journalism career is not for me.