Fortune cookie surprise

So I have some really good news and a really depressing reminder. Unfortunately, they are one in the same.

The amazing news -- my favorite cousin in the entire world is pregnant!!!! I was a bridesmaid in her September '05 wedding. She is so cute and her husband is so sweet, and they will make the best parents. I have a seventh sense about the sex of babies, and I think they're having a boy. Oh my gosh, I can't tell you how excited I am. I didn't really appreciate the novelty of babies growing up since there was always a new one, but there's been a drought lately and I really need to hold one.

I didn't even think there could be bad news after an announcement like that, but I grew really sad afterwards and I tried to figure out why. I am so thrilled for my cousin, and I look at her and her new life - she and her husband are building a new house next spring, etc. - and I just have this sense of dread for my own life.

I do not think I'll get married, and I do not think I'll have kids. I know I say I don't want to and some days I actually believe that, but I really really do. I want to be married even more than I want kids, if that's even humanly possible. But I don't think it'll happen. I don't even like guys. I'm actually repulsed by them, and I think they're all idiots. That is a really hard place to work from. My dad said to me a few days ago, "I'm not saying this as your dad -- but I would go for a much older guy if I were you. Guys your age are immature." I KNOW, DAD. I tried that! He was insane!

So it's dumb and I know I'm only 21, but I don't want to date anyone; I just want to get married. Dating is stupid. So are boys. I just want a husband.

(BTW - They put the baby announcement inside a fortune cookie and passed them around to all of us. So cute!)